That night...

She looked up at the clock, people bustling around her in the busy train station. Everyone seem to have a destination to get to, she doesn't. The board changes with each departing and arriving train and she wonders which one can take her away from herself, away from all that she knows and maybe then she can forget it all, forget her life…

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It's a Saturday night…just another day in the week. She tagged along with her roommate and met some of her friends. They were older, but then at 19, nothing daunts you. She mingled, laughed and most importantly, she drank. Shot after shot she was challenged by men twice her size, but she doesn't back down…not from a challenge, never. They moved on to another bar, and she was ushered into another world. The alcohol and the raging beat of the music mingled in her mind, attacking her senses, dominating her, and she, as usual, succumbed to it. Time passed, minutes, hours, no one knew exactly how long. Eventually they all ended back where they started, the hour was late but the party went on. Alcohol ran rampant through her body and she felt the effects fully. She snuggled against a man, stranger really, and he held her, made her feel safe. They laughed at the others who were battling with whipped cream, and he shielded her from the entire stray "bullets" that flew their way.

More time elapsed, chemicals in her body now doing their worst, and the room spun wildly. She felt the man's lips on hers, his body pressed against her…it felt good to be wanted. He stood up and took her hand in his…he led her away from the others who were oblivious of their presence and away they went, into a darkened room. She felt his hand on her body once more, roaming where they wanted, his lips touching hers. As they shared a kiss, she felt his hand cup her breast and she chuckled…no matter how old they are, they still think the same. The room spun more out of control now and she wondered whether it was his touch and kiss or the alcohol…she closed her eyes…

Darkness surrounded her when she opened her eyes…vaguely she saw the silhouette of a man in front of her. She felt nauseous, the aftereffects of a night of heavy drinking. Someone was touching her still…it was the man she was with earlier. The man was doing something, he was facing her and by the faint shaft of light coming in from the next room, she can see movements. She squinted hard to see what he was doing. As her eyes adjusted to the dark, she saw the man pull off a condom. Her mind raced as he turned on a small lamp by where she sat, and she saw she was naked from the waist down. Ray of realization dawned on her. Disgusted, not only with what happened but with herself, she put on her clothes silently. The man reached over to touch her…she felt his touch spread through her body, infecting her. The nausea spread. She vomited. And she vomited. But she can never purge from her what just happened. What she allowed to happen.

She thought about nothing else for a month, blaming herself more and more each day. If only she hadn't drank that much, she would've been sober enough to stop him, she would've been able to push him off, to fight him, to not just lay there and be taken advantage of. She beat herself up everyday, every hour. She thought of nothing else but what could've happened. What if.

Never did she blame the man. He was 32, she, 19.

A beautiful sunny day. Enough time has elapsed