You… OFF MY PLANET!

seeing that california followed the footsteps of mass and approved of gay marriage. for those conservatives saying that the world will come to an end…i’m still waiting.

i still can’t understand why they are preventing us from being as miserable as the rest of the heterosexual community. think about it…how miserable a lot of married people are…why wouldn’t you want to share that misery? so, i’ve been part of the community that’s apparently been exempt from feeling the misery of married bliss?

that’s just stupid…

so in defiance to all those people who says i can’t do something…alexis and i were married in a civil ceremony in san francisco on 6/20. shach was the witness on record, along with maneesh…as a wedding present, they also got us a night at the ritz. it was incredible, and absolutely amazing. we spent the rest of the time in cali hanging out, and visiting with friends and just generally be at peace. it wasn’t a planned event, not in my conventional way. we did it almost as a spur of a moment thing…but it was something we had always spoken about…to have a ceremony (how ever simple) - and pledge ourselves to each other. so talk about being at the right place, at the right time.

it honestly was the most pleasant experience we’ve ever had in a city agency. everyone was pleasant, happy, and beyond helpful. we were in and out of cityhall within an hour…nerve wrecking yes…difficult no.

so, we’re married…yay!!

okay, that’s all for now…

~ciao

Dust to dust and ashes to ashes
Rain from the heavens, tears from the gods
A soul taken, those remaining go forth
Searching for the meaning, for the cause, for the consequence
Notes from an angel lifted to the unknown
As we bid farewell to him
A soldier, a son, a brother, a husband, an uncle, a father
We continue the search
We challenge the convention
We hold that is precious to us dear
Sadness and tears transformed
And we mourn and celebrate the life
Raising a glass to him
We imagine him smiling
Down on us all…and wait for the day we join him.

~ciao

My Uncle Mike passed on Tuesday, and I’m still unable to process the news. He was always the big man who seemed like Atlas, holding up the world. I remember him, with my brother perched on his shoulders, impervious of all around him. That will always be the way I remember him. I wasn’t able to speak English with any sort of proficiency at that point, but I was good at emulating. I heard my cousins call him “dad”, and decided that was a good thing to call him…he chuckled when he heard me, sat me down and patiently explained to me what the word meant. In that moment I think I loved him…the time he took to correct me, without embarrassing me. He may have been a coarse man to most, beer guzzling country boy type. To me, he will always remain that man who took his time to talk to me. And as we were never close, I never thought his passing would affect me this much. Standing at his viewing, seeing him in a box, waxy complexion, death making his mark on him…I was overwhelmed with the sensation of loss. He was the Atlas, the one who could hold up the world…he couldn’t be the same frail old man in that box. But these are my memories, my recollections, and even though he was as imperfect as any human, he was my uncle, someone whom I cared for from afar.

My cousin sang one last song to him…her voice rang out, reverberating into everyone’s psyche. I felt her pain, her loss, as acutely as I felt the surrounding, the surreality of it all. I felt every choked back tear, every swallowed sob, and I felt the projection of it all. I savored each stab of pain, because It reminded me I was still here, still alive, that I wasn’t numb and I was still capable of feeling. and I cried for each tear held back, and I sobbed for each swallowed.

I miss my family, my boys, my little girl, my wife – knowing my time with them isn’t unlimited. I watched as my aunt caressed her husband for the last time, and wondered whether there was anything left unsaid between them – and I want to never have a sense of regret, to think there was more to say.

There has been too many deaths in my circle lately…and I feel rage…and perhaps I shouldn’t, perhaps I should accept that it is a normal part of a life cycle…perhaps.

~ciao

the age of the internet. i happened on a blog…of a child i once knew, of a young adult that’s struggling for identity, of a woman who is trying to find her place or perhaps just recognition.

it’s quick study on someone. how they think, even without telling you. how someone goes through maturity and emerge from the other side older, and perhaps wiser…learning from mistakes, treading in waters that we have all traversed, in the vast ocean of experiences and realizing what she must become.

reading, i realized these were the thoughts i had at that age, the anger, the confusion…the helplessness, and realizing for the first time the fragility of who and what i was.

more…later perhaps

~ciao

hindsight is always 20/20 right? if i knew then what i know now…blah blah blah. over the weekend an opportunity was offered to me for…greener pastures. greener being the key word…more of the greens. so the decisions came down to be…more $$…or knowing that i have the respect and affection of my coworkers and company as a whole.

we discussed it…eventually chose to leave it be and stay put. hoping that was the right choice…

here’s to hoping i wo’nt regret it 6 months down the road…

~ciao

a soul drifted out of my life today, as quietly as she’s always been. i think of her quite often as her unassuming mannerisms have always accompanied me and remained a constant reminder of true strength. while the world saw her as a meek and mild japanese woman, i saw someone who’s survived grief, illnesses, and death of those closest to her. she carried herself with a quiet dignity, and from her, i learned sometimes not saying something achieves more than acutally saying it. i have no method of communication with her…we don’t speak the same language, and can only understand very little of the words we do speak to each other. yet…i feel her as deeply as i would someone i’ve shared soul shattering conversations with.

in a way she had been preparing me for this day. years ago, she gave me a beautiful pendant. it was a simple design…two pearls interlocked with a ruby on the clasp. it was something she designed, drawn, and had it made especially for me. the simplicity belied the beauty of it…and reminded me so much of her. through translation, she told me that while she may not always be here, she wants me to always remember her in the good times…as someone who loved me, cared for me, and held me in her heart.

even as cancer ravaged her body, it never dimmed her sense of humor, nor her outlook on life. through her own trials, she continued to put others first because it was just her way.

she’s gone now and no longer hurting. i suppose that’s what i should be truly thankful for. i want to celebrate her life, more than mourn her death…but find myself unable to right now. maybe tomorrow…

i loved her and will always know she loved me. i’ll miss you yi-po.

~ciao

sometimes i peruse the world of the blog, and see what others in the world are up to. some blogs i surf are from people i know…others are strangers to me. i read them the same way, judging each entry without consideraiton of who the author is. i suppose for anyone reading my journal, it’s the same. there is one livejournal that i read, of this woman, her girlfriend, and their lives in the greater ATL region. currently, the gf has chosen to take a full time permanent position in the northeast, and she’s not liking the prospect of moving out of the comforts of the south…into the bustling city life. there’s also the cost of living…in the ATL area…the dollar goes a bit further. in the northeast, 2k for rent isn’t really something to harping about…however, the author of this particular blog gasped at the price of the rent, and wondered why she was giving up the comforts of a $1200 rent for a house, not an apt, and a yard.

i guess it’s just one of those things huh?

i never understood why people have a problem grasping that things cost differently in different parts of the country. there’s a price to be paid to live closer to the one you love…and to civilization?

~ciao