You… OFF MY PLANET!

the age of the internet. i happened on a blog…of a child i once knew, of a young adult that’s struggling for identity, of a woman who is trying to find her place or perhaps just recognition.

it’s quick study on someone. how they think, even without telling you. how someone goes through maturity and emerge from the other side older, and perhaps wiser…learning from mistakes, treading in waters that we have all traversed, in the vast ocean of experiences and realizing what she must become.

reading, i realized these were the thoughts i had at that age, the anger, the confusion…the helplessness, and realizing for the first time the fragility of who and what i was.

more…later perhaps

~ciao

hindsight is always 20/20 right? if i knew then what i know now…blah blah blah. over the weekend an opportunity was offered to me for…greener pastures. greener being the key word…more of the greens. so the decisions came down to be…more $$…or knowing that i have the respect and affection of my coworkers and company as a whole.

we discussed it…eventually chose to leave it be and stay put. hoping that was the right choice…

here’s to hoping i wo’nt regret it 6 months down the road…

~ciao

a soul drifted out of my life today, as quietly as she’s always been. i think of her quite often as her unassuming mannerisms have always accompanied me and remained a constant reminder of true strength. while the world saw her as a meek and mild japanese woman, i saw someone who’s survived grief, illnesses, and death of those closest to her. she carried herself with a quiet dignity, and from her, i learned sometimes not saying something achieves more than acutally saying it. i have no method of communication with her…we don’t speak the same language, and can only understand very little of the words we do speak to each other. yet…i feel her as deeply as i would someone i’ve shared soul shattering conversations with.

in a way she had been preparing me for this day. years ago, she gave me a beautiful pendant. it was a simple design…two pearls interlocked with a ruby on the clasp. it was something she designed, drawn, and had it made especially for me. the simplicity belied the beauty of it…and reminded me so much of her. through translation, she told me that while she may not always be here, she wants me to always remember her in the good times…as someone who loved me, cared for me, and held me in her heart.

even as cancer ravaged her body, it never dimmed her sense of humor, nor her outlook on life. through her own trials, she continued to put others first because it was just her way.

she’s gone now and no longer hurting. i suppose that’s what i should be truly thankful for. i want to celebrate her life, more than mourn her death…but find myself unable to right now. maybe tomorrow…

i loved her and will always know she loved me. i’ll miss you yi-po.

~ciao

sometimes i peruse the world of the blog, and see what others in the world are up to. some blogs i surf are from people i know…others are strangers to me. i read them the same way, judging each entry without consideraiton of who the author is. i suppose for anyone reading my journal, it’s the same. there is one livejournal that i read, of this woman, her girlfriend, and their lives in the greater ATL region. currently, the gf has chosen to take a full time permanent position in the northeast, and she’s not liking the prospect of moving out of the comforts of the south…into the bustling city life. there’s also the cost of living…in the ATL area…the dollar goes a bit further. in the northeast, 2k for rent isn’t really something to harping about…however, the author of this particular blog gasped at the price of the rent, and wondered why she was giving up the comforts of a $1200 rent for a house, not an apt, and a yard.

i guess it’s just one of those things huh?

i never understood why people have a problem grasping that things cost differently in different parts of the country. there’s a price to be paid to live closer to the one you love…and to civilization?

~ciao

i’ve abstained from writing about the democratic race for so long - always holding out that glimmer of hope the country would be able to see past the grandeur of speeches and see the candidates for who they are. but it seems that i have aimed to high for most folks in this country. regardless what happens at the end, the democrats will have made history, to put out either a black man, or a woman as their representative vying for that opportunity to be the commander in chief.

having said that…i can’t say that i’m satisfied with the race thus far. i see obama, and i look at hillary. neither is perfect, far from it in fact. but it seems that the country has turned a blind eye to obama, instead choosing to believe in his glam speeches whereby he fluffs the country up…never quite saying anything. what has he offered to do with the country once he gets into that position? from everything i’ve heard from him, i would expect as soon as he took the oath to the office, the cloud would part and all of a sudden everything would be better - the war would suddenly be over, the real estate market would rebound, and happy days are here again… is that really realistic? i watch him speak, and admittedly, he is an incredible orator…he is passionate about what he says, so passionate in fact you believe him purely because he’s speaking it. i’ve heard him compared to some of the greatest orators…MLK jr. being the most compared to…and that’s great. i feel pumped too when i listen to him…the can do attitude, the changes that are going to happen…but what i ask myself (and i’m not sure whether other people do) is how. how will you bring about this change? MLK jr. brought about change with what he said, how he inspired…obama inspires in similar fashion…but how long will it take for the obama changes come about? dr. king’s movement took years, decades in fact and to this day a lot of his principles are still being tested. i know as well as anyone that changes will eventually happen but when? he only has four years. four years to erase the bush mistakes, figure out what to do, how to do it, and actually apply it all to a country that has been under attack and on a downward spiral for 8 years. when obama gets presented to the world, what is he going to do? talk the other leaders to death? they’re not wearing rose color glasses…north korea do not care that this is the first black american president…they care whether stuff will get done…not what obama is saying…

hillary clinton…what can you say about her. she’s a bitch. and you know what…while that may be true, she’ll make sure that stuff gets done. she has the practical knowledge to get it done. she’s not perfect…but there’s action behind her words. she has a plan to pull the troops out, and not just with pretty words. she may not win you over with the passion in her speeches, but what she says…it’s practical. there’s a possibility that something can happen before her four years are up. yes, she voted for the war…what every critic is forgetting is 7 years ago, everyone wanted retaliation for the atrocity done to america as a whole. everyone wanted to go out and get those guys that caused us pain…and so did she. what was obama thinking? that he was going to go and talk bin laden to death? or perhaps talk him out of his caves? talk is just that…talk. what about doing? talking is great, but it’s not usually an effective plan unless following the talking is some action… am i saying that she’ll be the best candidiate? probably not. politics is a dirty game…and it’s always just a matter of choosing the lesser of the evils presented.

who’s going to pick the country up from the ruins? who’s going to restore our reputation to the world? the one who makes pretty speeches but who’s never been under the gun? or the one who’s been there already, been at the dance, and mingled with the prom committee? someone i know brought up a good point…elect her, we get two for the price of one. lol…i suppose that’s one way of looking at it…

~ciao

roughly 3 months of 4 days a week of martial arts…kick this, hit that, straighten out your leg, block the hit, 45 degree angle with the foot…chamber…chamber…CHAMBER!!! i think i’ve found muscles i never knew i had, bruises in places i didn’t think i could be bruised, and more exhausted 4 days a week than i previously thought was possible.

the trade off…3 months ago, i could barely get a bag of the boys food up the stairs. the bag of food was the standard 30 pounds…coming out of beowoof the other day, i slung the bag over my shoulder, much to the surprise of carl (the proprietor of the store) - and walked out with ease. i didn’t even think about it until alexis asked whether i needed help. i suppose that meant that my workouts are reaping me results. while i’m not seeing the weight loss i really want, i suppose building muscles and knowing how to defend myself is a perk as well?

never thought i’d enjoy it…but i do…and it’s enjoyment on such a strange level. the thought of going there pains me…knowing that i’m going to push my body to new limits, and the pain it will cause kills me…but once i’m there, i have a great time. i learn the moves, the kicks, the punches, the way you move out of the way when someone comes at you…and the way you fight back once you’ve intercepted the hit.

maybe i’ve found my outlet…i seem to be pretty okay at it..let’s see what happens right?

~ciao

steph

so it seems that someone has taken the liberty to use the money i have in my bank account for their own purposes…i discovered 7 transactions…one from a courier service in paris, france…that would’ve been a nice trip…maybe i can have the courier pick me up and ferry me off to paris? so i call the bank…and spoke to someone who claimed to be the fraud specialist…except he then transferred me to *the* fraud specialist…and now i’m on hold…with this lovely music…but still on hold. and have been for the last 5 minutes…

you’d figure they wouldn’t keep me on hold for this long? we’ll see what happens…hopefully they’ll be able to get back to me within this century…you never know… =)

~ciao