You… OFF MY PLANET!

maybe this means this country has taken another large step towards what the founders of this country meant for all of us to be…electing obama tonight is not only historic but i believe gives those of us who has been without hope for our futures that little spark of light. there’s a what if…what if the he lives up to the promise…to actually deliver what he promised us in the long months of campaigning…

only time will tell. for now, i have hope…this is a good night.

~ciao

okay, so while i call him hakeem…he’s still baby james…our little nephew…

enjoy…i have. the miracles of life… =)

everyone has friends who, for good or for worse come in and out of their lives. i’ve a few friends who when i was in highschool were extermely close but as time goes on, we grew apart - we may have kept in touch sporadically, but nothing consistent past adulthood. technology served as a great medium to talk, but not talk. everyone sort of kept tabs on each other by sending forwards, and not really talking about anything of substance…

that now brings me back to present day.

after we said our vows, and the proverbial dust has ssettled, i sent out some emails to those i didn’t have a chance to call or text (or those who i probably didn’t want to speak to to break the iceor whatever. anyway…i did send the same email to two friends that fall into that category. i’m not sure what i really expected, but for the most part, i received emails of congratulations and just general acknowledgement. and ostensibly absent were replies from two i expected to hear almost immediately from. i’m not sure whether i was angry, upset, or just disappointed. i’m not so sure that i’ve had any right to feel any of those feelings…but i suppose there is just a little bit of of something that says well, fine…if you don’t want to talk to me, i don’t want to talk to you either…

does that make sense? so anyway, as i’ve griped about it all this morning, lo and behold, this afternoon, i received an email back from one of the friends…maybe it’s a way to tell me that someone just wanted me to have patience…don’t know…being stupid i suppose…or maybe just a girl…lol

~ciao

seeing that california followed the footsteps of mass and approved of gay marriage. for those conservatives saying that the world will come to an end…i’m still waiting.

i still can’t understand why they are preventing us from being as miserable as the rest of the heterosexual community. think about it…how miserable a lot of married people are…why wouldn’t you want to share that misery? so, i’ve been part of the community that’s apparently been exempt from feeling the misery of married bliss?

that’s just stupid…

so in defiance to all those people who says i can’t do something…alexis and i were married in a civil ceremony in san francisco on 6/20. shach was the witness on record, along with maneesh…as a wedding present, they also got us a night at the ritz. it was incredible, and absolutely amazing. we spent the rest of the time in cali hanging out, and visiting with friends and just generally be at peace. it wasn’t a planned event, not in my conventional way. we did it almost as a spur of a moment thing…but it was something we had always spoken about…to have a ceremony (how ever simple) - and pledge ourselves to each other. so talk about being at the right place, at the right time.

it honestly was the most pleasant experience we’ve ever had in a city agency. everyone was pleasant, happy, and beyond helpful. we were in and out of cityhall within an hour…nerve wrecking yes…difficult no.

so, we’re married…yay!!

okay, that’s all for now…

~ciao

Dust to dust and ashes to ashes
Rain from the heavens, tears from the gods
A soul taken, those remaining go forth
Searching for the meaning, for the cause, for the consequence
Notes from an angel lifted to the unknown
As we bid farewell to him
A soldier, a son, a brother, a husband, an uncle, a father
We continue the search
We challenge the convention
We hold that is precious to us dear
Sadness and tears transformed
And we mourn and celebrate the life
Raising a glass to him
We imagine him smiling
Down on us all…and wait for the day we join him.

~ciao

My Uncle Mike passed on Tuesday, and I’m still unable to process the news. He was always the big man who seemed like Atlas, holding up the world. I remember him, with my brother perched on his shoulders, impervious of all around him. That will always be the way I remember him. I wasn’t able to speak English with any sort of proficiency at that point, but I was good at emulating. I heard my cousins call him “dad”, and decided that was a good thing to call him…he chuckled when he heard me, sat me down and patiently explained to me what the word meant. In that moment I think I loved him…the time he took to correct me, without embarrassing me. He may have been a coarse man to most, beer guzzling country boy type. To me, he will always remain that man who took his time to talk to me. And as we were never close, I never thought his passing would affect me this much. Standing at his viewing, seeing him in a box, waxy complexion, death making his mark on him…I was overwhelmed with the sensation of loss. He was the Atlas, the one who could hold up the world…he couldn’t be the same frail old man in that box. But these are my memories, my recollections, and even though he was as imperfect as any human, he was my uncle, someone whom I cared for from afar.

My cousin sang one last song to him…her voice rang out, reverberating into everyone’s psyche. I felt her pain, her loss, as acutely as I felt the surrounding, the surreality of it all. I felt every choked back tear, every swallowed sob, and I felt the projection of it all. I savored each stab of pain, because It reminded me I was still here, still alive, that I wasn’t numb and I was still capable of feeling. and I cried for each tear held back, and I sobbed for each swallowed.

I miss my family, my boys, my little girl, my wife – knowing my time with them isn’t unlimited. I watched as my aunt caressed her husband for the last time, and wondered whether there was anything left unsaid between them – and I want to never have a sense of regret, to think there was more to say.

There has been too many deaths in my circle lately…and I feel rage…and perhaps I shouldn’t, perhaps I should accept that it is a normal part of a life cycle…perhaps.

~ciao

the age of the internet. i happened on a blog…of a child i once knew, of a young adult that’s struggling for identity, of a woman who is trying to find her place or perhaps just recognition.

it’s quick study on someone. how they think, even without telling you. how someone goes through maturity and emerge from the other side older, and perhaps wiser…learning from mistakes, treading in waters that we have all traversed, in the vast ocean of experiences and realizing what she must become.

reading, i realized these were the thoughts i had at that age, the anger, the confusion…the helplessness, and realizing for the first time the fragility of who and what i was.

more…later perhaps

~ciao