*ring*
*ring*
*ring*
Thank you for calling heaven.
-For english press 1
-Para servicio en espanol, oprima el numero 2
-for all other languages, press 3
*tone*
Please select one of the following options:
-press 1 for request
-press 2 for thanksgiving
-press 3 for complaints
-press 4 for all others
*tone*
-I am sorry, all our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right now. however, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. please stay on the line…
*hold music*
If you would like to speak to:
-god, press 1
-jesus, press 2
-holy spirit, press 3
*main menu*
To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven, press 5, then enter the social security number followed by the # sign…if you should receive a negative response, please hang up, and dial area code 666
*back to the main menu*
-for reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the the numbers 3-1-6
-for answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, pleas ewait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics…
*more tones*
i’m sorry, our comptuers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.