i looked into the eyes of a child today. i looked through the soot that's covering her face, i saw her eyes that are older than she is, older than even what i can ever imagine. she held out a ragged cup, probably something someone threw away long ago, never even thinking twice about it. shivering in the cold, wearing clothes that was once probably pink, but now a discernible gray, trying to salvage what's left of her dignity, fighting with physical need. i see the battle rage between pride and hunger, i see the lines etched on her young face, i see hunger winning over the last bit of dignity that's left as she holds out the paper cup and asked me, "do you have some change?"

i imagined her mother not far away, too weak to walk, hiding in the shadows of all the buildings around. seeing her child begging strangers, having it eat away at her. i imagine mothers protect, mothers nurture, this mother is incapable of either. i imagine her hiding though not really needing to, the people passing by not able to see her at all. among the glitz of one of the busiest cities in the world, one of the most glamorous streets in the world, she alone sits in the shadow. how many of these people do we each pass in our daily life?

i hear people pass around me, talking about vacations yet to be taken, presents yet to be bought. ignoring the ragged doll on the sidewalk. the child is still holding out her cup in front of her, not daring to look expectant but hoping to receive something. she is now guarded, wondering why i've stopped in front of her for so long. i dug into my pockets and took out all the change, all the bills and dropped it into her cup. i see her looking into her cup, then up at me.

i walked away quickly...feeling tears stinging my eyes. i never looked back. maybe i was afraid of seeing the face of a greedy child who just got a whole lot of money, maybe i was afraid to see the adult behind her take everything i've just given to her, or maybe what i'm really afraid of is seeing the slight smile of relief as she realizes she will be eating tonight...that for tonight, she just might know the pleasure of having warm food fill her stomach before she falls asleep. there will be no looking towards tomorrow because planning for tomorrow is a luxury she can't afford...

seeing all that i have around me, i am thankful that i can afford the luxury of tomorrow.

...passing by the homeless, do you give them a second look?

*end note* - this was written as a journal entry on 11/27/01...i met the child in the diamond district...to this day, i can remember the look in her eyes, and the ache i felt for her. through the following days and months, i've grown jaded of the homeless i think, walking by them as most new yorkers seem to do. but there are a few that still catch my attention, and a few that i know i will never forget.